Am I the only one who thought there was something weird happening Monday afternoon?
I’m not talking about the eclipse. We all knew that was happening. Science. Rotation of planets. Etc. Just that after all the hype about what the eclipse really signified, we all went back inside and kept doing whatever we were doing to start with. Just with the added irritation of humming Total Eclipse of the Heart for the rest of the afternoon.
No new world order was brought about by various religious and not-so-religious rituals or by the world’s billionaires. No indication that the US Government conducted their test run for declaring martial law. (If they really need to practice, maybe we need to get someone better?) No collapse of the nation’s power and cell phone grids. I didn’t even see a light flicker.
But you know what really seemed weird? No Zombie Apocalypse. I don’t recall anyone even mentioning the possibility.
Is this what we’ve come to America? We’ve spent all that time watching Dawn of the Dead, Walking Dead, and even Shaun of the Dead. We’ve been prepared for years (although it slipped my mind when I got ready for work that morning) and no one seemed to consider the likelihood of flesh-eating zombies taking over the planet.
I’m a bit disappointed. And I blame social media.
With the wide array of conspiracy sites at our fingertips, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Zombies must seem pretty blasé when you can claim Democrats led by Hillary Clinton are running a child sex-trafficking ring out of a pizzeria. Or that school shootings were false flag operations as part of a government conspiracy. Or that Michelle Obama is really a man. How are zombies supposed to go up against that? They must be feeling really left out.
Not that I would have necessarily noticed if there really was a zombie apocalypse happening. Like everyone else, I was too busy staring up at the sky – with glasses on people; I’m not the former president – watching the sun slowly being blotted out. Absolutely amazing to watch, but I think we all would have been sitting ducks.
I did take the opportunity to catch a quick photo of Dallas sans sunlight in the middle of the afternoon. And then post it to Instagram. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? There was something odd about looking at the time on my phone and seeing streetlamps, building signs, headlights, etc. all turned on. I’m not even sure that’s happened during bad thunderstorms. Then again, I’m not on a rooftop when that’s going on.
And now that the eclipse is just a memory – not counting the Instagram and Facebook posts, countless news stories, and millions of photos on phones – the conspiracists will have to search the web for new signs that civilization is coming to an end.
Marjorie Taylor Greene seems to think that between the eclipse, the earthquake in New Jersey, and the upcoming cicada emergence, God’s telling us to repent. I’m sure Alex Jones could roll those together, slap some mystic calendar date on it, and start hawking an apocalypse preparation kit.
I just hope he leaves the zombies out of it.
