Ages ago—or at least what seems like ages but probably isn’t—I met my first transgender architect. (First, but not last, as it would turn out.) We talked about coming out and how she was navigating the business of architecture as a sole proprietor—what information she was willing to share with her clients and consultants. However, in the entire conversation, she shared one thing with me that I have never forgotten.
To come out as transgender, she initially came out to her family as gay—sort of dipping her toe in the water. Then, once that hurdle was conquered, she eventually came out as trans. At that point, her mother stopped speaking to her and didn’t again for two years, until her grandmother intervened.
We hear about how the coming-out process can be challenging and sometimes traumatic. Mine was easy, and to this day, my father introduces my husband as his other son. But we don’t all have that luck. Many people can tell you about being kicked out of their homes, sent to conversion therapy, and living on the streets as young queers.
Yet in the time I have been out, not once did I imagine having to disclose not only my orientation but also my gender identity. And whether you want to call it coming out or inviting in, sharing information about who we are, who we love, and how we love is all about disclosure. Unfortunately, given the current political climate, any kind of disclosure seems like a risk—particularly for members of the transgender community.
Within hours of the ICE facility shooting in Dallas, Marjorie Taylor Greene was tweeting that the shooter could be trans. Zero evidence. No one knew who did the shooting, how many were shot, or what the motive might have been. But leave it to one of the most unhinged members of Congress to immediately try and pin the blame on the trans community.
Because trans individuals are the new boogeyman. School shooting in Uvalde? Conservative activists and congressmen claimed the shooter was trans. Charlie Kirk’s killer? Probably trans—until he wasn’t. But his partner was, and I guess that’s close enough? Even with the current government shutdown, Trump threw out one of the reasons being that Democrats want “transgender for all.”
Should we be surprised, then, if people are reluctant to come out? To disclose their gender publicly? Except if members of the queer community don’t, the Marjorie Taylor Greenes, the Candace Owenses, and the Alex Joneses are controlling the narrative. Any story can be made up, and social media will do the rest.
Everyone in the queer community, including the trans community, must continue to come out, to disclose who they are and who they love. When politicians and influencers can toss out lie after lie, we need to continue countering their negative portrayals by telling our stories. We have the power to change the direction of the conversation. But we must come out, invite in, or disclose—take your pick. Lest we risk continuing to be the boogeymen conservatives say we are.