Who doesn’t love a good gay icon? For decades gay men have idolized women in the film and music industries. We’ve seen something in them that resonates with us. Maybe their ability to create space and success in a straight, male-dominated society? Maybe their resilience when their careers appear to hit a dead end? That sense of reinvention?

Which means the death of one always throws us for a loop. I was at lunch on Friday when I received a BBC alert that Catherine O’Hara had died. Followed immediately by a text from my husband informing me of the same. She was 71 – young in this day and age. For heaven’s sake, Betty White died at 99. Catherine O’Hara had a long way to go.

When we met Tony and Greg for dinner that night, my first question was why they weren’t wearing their The Crowening outfits in her honor. Which is how I’m picturing her memorial service. Hundreds of gay men dressed as Moira Rose in one way or another. Because she had become – at least for gay men – an icon the moment she threw on the first wig and transformed into Moira.

Forget that she had a long career before Schitt’s Creek. From SCTV to Home Alone to Best in Show to Beetlejuice. I think for a lot of gay men, that mattered less than her embodiment of perhaps one of the (even if unintentional) worst television moms. There’s something we love about that. Think about how much gay men (and as a gay man, you realize I’m speaking for all gay men) loved Edina Monsoon on Absolutely Fabulous.

But now we have one less icon, and with the celebrity death rule-of-three, I am concerned about who might be next. Cher is turning 80. Or most of Cher is turning 80. No doubt parts of her are younger. Madonna is 67. Ditto the parts comment. Barbra Streisand will soon be 84. At this point, anything is possible.

Yet as much as we’re shocked and saddened any time someone iconic passes, I wonder if I would feel the same with the younger generation of performers. Beyonce. Lady Gaga. Charli XCX. Granted, by the time they go, I probably will have gone. Which begs the question of the younger gays: Do they see celebrities in the same light as elder gays? 

I have a friend who has already said when Dame Julie Andrews passes, he will be in mourning for a week. If he’s needed, he can be found at home, wearing black, and watching her old movies. That’s dedication. I’m not even sure my generation would do that for Cher or Madonna.

However, celebrating and mourning gay icons is something I doubt we’ll ever pass up. Even Judy Garland’s death was woven into the mythology of the Stonewall Riots. Apparently, we were already upset that she had died only a few days before.

So heads up everyone! We have two more deaths coming down the pike. With any luck, Cher will live to see her 80th, and we still have a long way to go with Lady Gaga. But if I was Madonna, I think I might start to sweat.