June is just around the corner, which means it’s that time of year again to celebrate the community. A time to come together with like-minded souls and stand up for who we are. That moment when we can push back at society and demand to be accepted.
So – who’s going to Hetero Awesome Fest in Boise? Just me?
I would love to say I’m kidding. Except it’s happening. Not the part about me going, obviously. But the rest? Absolutely. A bar owner in Boise has put together a straight pride celebration that will stretch over two days in June, including events like Heterosexual Karaoke. I’m not sure what that means. No show tunes then?
Every Pride – and/or during the lead-up to it – the queer community is treated to whining from random straight individuals and groups about why we should get a whole month to celebrate our deviant lifestyle. There’s no Straight Pride Month. Why shouldn’t cisgender straight people across the country be allowed their own celebration?
Bless your hearts. That’s every month.
Mind you, some of these people would pose the same question about Women’s History Month or Black History Month. Or any minority month. Why do we need to celebrate all these different groups and recognize them in this manner? We’re all one country. We don’t need this “woke” bullshit.
Unfortunately, that kind of thinking doesn’t stop them from trying—although this bar owner in Boise isn’t the first awesome hetero to organize a straight pride celebration. Super Happy Fun America – a group with ties to white supremacy – organized a straight pride parade in 2019 that attracted a few hundred participants who were outnumbered by counter-protesters. Yet much better than the straight pride march in Seattle in 2015, where the organizer was the only one marching.
Not to be outdone – or maybe in a strange game of one-upmanship – a group of legislators in Ohio recently introduced a bill to create Natural Family Month. Spurred on by the Natural Family Foundation, the month would celebrate what they define as a natural family – one man and one woman in a monogamous relationship who have children. All based around the idea that if we get to celebrate gay Pride, then they get to celebrate the natural family.
Sound familiar?
But maybe this year, instead of just rolling our eyes, we need a queer guerrilla gay bar takeover in Boise. It’s a free-ish country. If the queer community has to endure an endless parade of bachelorette parties overdoing it in gay bars across the country, a few queers in a straight bar in Idaho shouldn’t be an issue.
However, we won’t get the same hetero discounts the straight men and women are entitled to. Guess we’ll have to butch it up or down to blend in. Of course, when we actually tip, that might be a dead giveaway. Or when one of us requests some not-so-heterosexual song for karaoke. A little Frozen, maybe? Or some Village People?
Except the queer community isn’t meant to blend in, so we’ll let the straights have their little festival. They can expend their energy railing against being oppressed by the gay man. In the meantime, we will celebrate in cities all over the world our overcoming the real challenges thrown at us over the decades. And if the heteros get tired of being awesome, they can swing by and join in.
But they better be ready to belt out some Chappell Roan, or the deal is off.
