Don’t worry. I’m still a great big gurl. That hasn’t changed.
However, I know the use of the word “queer” can make a lot of people within the community uncomfortable. And that’s both the queer community and the straight community. Many of us spent a lifetime having that hurled at us in a derogatory manner. Fag, sissy, queer, dyke—not exactly terms of endearment and always a chance something worse might follow.
As for why it makes some of the straights uncomfortable, you’ll have to ask. Maybe they have a family member or friend who is queer, and that raises some hackles. Or perhaps after years of taunting others, they’re reminded of the times when they weren’t being their best selves. Or maybe queer just makes them think of icky butt stuff.
If you follow me, you know I use queer as an encompassing term for the community. Saying LGBTQIA+ every time gets to be a lot, and at the end of the day, someone still feels left out. You can be asexual, pansexual, or same-sex loving. You can be gender queer or sexually fluid. Or you can be a combination. I bumped into someone at the national conference this year who is pansexual but in a cis-gender, heteronormative relationship with someone who is bisexual.
After hearing that—which is something of a mouthful—using queer made even more sense. Except there are still those who question if that is the best term. I was contacted at a conference where I was presenting a session titled “The Intersection of Queer and Architecture” by an organizer for another conference who asked if I would change queer to LGBTQ. The suggestion came from a gay staffer worried that people might be uncomfortable seeing that in print.
It did not get changed.
But recently, I was talking with a friend who teaches architecture in Georgia, and we may have stumbled upon a new phrase that might encompass the queer community without making anyone squirm.
Mixed-use.
He was teaching a studio last fall where students were required to incorporate an LGBTQ community center as part of their design of a mixed-use building. Unfortunately, some students couldn’t tell their parents the LGBTQ part. They simply said it was a mixed-use project. When I heard that, the wheels started turning.
Mixed-use? What a great way to describe the queer community. As we’ve evolved and people have learned more about gender, identity, and orientation, and the myriad ways that is expressed, mixed-use might not be far off the mark. Plus, the puzzled looks when you’re asked about your orientation, gender, etc. and you simply respond “Mixed-use” would be priceless. And you get to walk away while they stand there trying to work that out.
Naturally, I still prefer queer, because fuck you to everyone who sneered that in my direction. I should be able to own that word and turn it into something positive. However, for those in the community who might still have some discomfort, I do hear you, and I do understand.
And going forward, feel free to ask me to address you as a member of the mixed-use community. Knowing full well if straight architects are in the room, they’re going to be very confused while we giggle and walk away.
